new home

this will now be my only blog. ;p

A beffudled mind

It has been a long time mula noong huli akong nag-reflect ng mga bagay-bagay sa paligid ko… At ngayon ngang nagkaroon ako ng time para gawin ‘yon, parang mas lalo kong na-realize that im still at lost sa napakadaming bagay.

Since I was I child, I was considered as a strong willed person… Alam kung anong gusto, at hindi natatakot na sundin kung ano man yung magpapasaya sakin. Sabi nga, I stand for what I believe is right and I can move mountains to get what I want… Pero bakit ganon? Parang ngayon ko nararamdaman kung gaano ako kahina… Kung gaano kalaki yung space na kailangan kong punuan para maging masaya… Noon, alam kong gusto ko itong pinasok ko … Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, I may never achieve my goal of becoming the prime minister of the first world government, but what the heck?! Someday, i’ll be a good practitioner of this noble profession…

Pero andame palang obstacles… sabi nga ng friend ko, life’s not easy kaya you have to see to it na sigurado ka sa lahat ng gusto mong gawin… Sigurado naman ako, kaya lang minsan parang naiisip ko ng sumuko… Gusto ko na ng buhay na hindi complicated… Less ang pressure, wala masyadong hassle. Iyon bang hindi ka na iiyak dahil hindi ka prepared… Hindi ka na magde-decline ng mga offers na gumumik kayo ng mga friends mo… Hindi ka na mate-tensyon kung tatanggapin ka pa ba nila sa susunod.
Napakadaling isipin, but there are a lot of things to consider bago magdesisyon na enough is enough…

Can I answer all the “Why’s” na itatanong sakin?… Do I have the heart to tell my parents that I’m quiting?… After 10 years, kaya ko bang huwag isipin ‘yung mga “what could have been” kapag tinapos ko ‘to? Lastly, can I afford all my efforts to be put into waste?
Sa ngayon, I still can’t aver the answers to all of my self-imposed questions. And I believe, that when there is doubt, taking a risk is too much to do… Kaya as of the moment, I will continue with what I’ve started… I am not giving up in the war, nor am I giving up in the battle…

a gloomy day in my equally gloomy life

It's 7 in the evening. i just had a torture afternoon (transpo exam and credit recit- as usaual i got called).

Last night was the worst night in my entire life...it's over.
For the past 19 months, i was an epitome of a martyr woman(or so it seem). You gave me my saddest birthday and a lot of sleepless nights, remember? But last night was different. I wasn't the same patient and caring person. I was really mean and heartless. I was beyond caring... Hearing those words really blew my senses. I can't imagine somebody telling me that i'm stupid and that i'll never become a good lawyer (hell, i'll prove you wrong!). I thought i was mean, but you were meaner. I endured so much. I sacrificed some of my personal time and my relationship with friends that were there for me long before you entered into my life. I don't wanna sound so sassy but for somebody who stood beside you, that was the harshest thing to do/say.

Reading your txt this morning was like reading a note from hell. I can't put my act together, i know i can never be the same girl that everybody loved.

There are a lot of things swirling in my head... how am i going to act as if im ok? how can i make other people happy the way i used to do when deep down i know that im hurting?
Good thing i have my friends... grace and lence were always there for me. Like what we always talk about-it's your damn loss not mine:) oh well, life sucks... but this time, life sucks BIGTIME!

ok, tama na emote gotta meet a friend (miss ko na 'to e, tagal na naming di lumalabas...BONDING!)